I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
