she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
