So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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