Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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