I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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