***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
