Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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