I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
