guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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