RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How does one acquire holy water?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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