Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
