I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We left an ass print on the piano.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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