You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
