So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
