Well douche your snatch and let's go!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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