I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize