I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
