margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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