belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
