singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
