She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
