why didn't you poke me back
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You ruined the universe
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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