he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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