see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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