Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
