In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
