i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
