just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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