Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
