Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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