i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
