Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
