why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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