Got a toothbrush?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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