Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
