we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
