I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
