I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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