I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
