I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
