I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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