so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
