i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
