I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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