Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
