her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got inside last night via doggy door
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
