Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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