Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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