my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
