ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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