More tranny stories later!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize