wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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