I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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