Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
false alarm, still single
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
