So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
