he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
