i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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