3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
