the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
