so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
