I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
