everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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