I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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