How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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