i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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