I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
