I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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