oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
