sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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