i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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