Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize