Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm getting married
To pizza
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
