It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
