There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
