he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
