What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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