I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
