why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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