is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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