wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
