Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
