Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
