And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
