Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
