After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
NoShamevember. You game?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
