I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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