At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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