I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
