dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
