she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
