im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
