Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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