He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
