I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
false alarm, still single
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