Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
