he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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