i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
