She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
