Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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