3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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