you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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