Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
