I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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