she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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