the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sext me about skeletons
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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