You just made me feel so damn special
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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