Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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