Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
