i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
