I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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