why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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