My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
