Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
