If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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