I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
