Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im holly from the hills drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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